Obama held his job summit last week. Or should I say, Professor Obama gave a lecture last week in his "Capitalism: Greed, Pollution and Poverty" course at the White House.

What Obama said: "I need everybody to bring their A-game here today. I'm going to be asking some tough questions, I will be listening for some good answers and I don't want to just brainstorm up at 30,000 feet. I want details in our discussion today. I'm looking for specific recommendations that can be implemented that will spur on job growth as quickly as possible. I want to be clear. We won't overcome our unemployment challenge in just a few hours this afternoon. I assure you there is extraordinary skepticism that any discussions like this can actually produce results. I'm well aware of that. I don't mind skepticism. If I listened to the skeptics I wouldn't be here, but I am confident that we'll make progress..."

What I heard: "Now, good students, do your work while I go the teacher's lounge to watch Sports Center. Union members, career politicians, Google management team and environmentalists, don't be afraid to help out your less fortunate classmates- yes, you guys in the back from Wall Street. Stop playing on your Blackberry's like spoiled rich kids (Wall Streeters apologize emphatically).

Bring me the best ideas on how I can fix this economic problem, and turn in your assignment by the end of the day. Does anyone have a red pen? And for those of you who need extra credit to pick up your grade before the end of the semester, ahem ... those in back, write an essay answering this question: (writing on the black board) 'If you spoke to the state-organized media, how would you spin our economic and environmental woes to place the blame solely on small business and the wealthy?' The amount of extra credit you earn will be based on how well your response makes me look." (He leaves the room)

What Obama said: "Despite the progress we've made, many businesses are still skittish about hiring. Some are still digging themselves out of the losses they incurred over the past year. Many have figured out how to squeeze more productivity out of fewer workers. And that cost-cutting has become embedded in their operations and in their culture. That may result in good profits, but it's not translating into hiring and so that's the question that we have to ask ourselves today: How do we get businesses to start hiring again?"

What I heard: (Walking into the classroom) "Sorry it took me so long to come back. Michelle wanted to go shopping for a new cocktail dress before we go to dinner with the Jolie-Pitt's tonight. I see you all turned in your papers here on my desk, and I will be reading and grading them for the rest of the semester.

(Students groan). Now, now, it takes time to solve such severe problems that I didn't cause. Let me tell you a little story. (Students groan again and slump in their chairs) When I was a community organizer in the heart of Chicago, standing face-to-face with mothers who can't feed their babies because of their high cell phone bills, and young brothers who were given guns instead of a chance to succeed because we don't have a national gun ban, I saw how evil America is. That's why I decided to get into politics. I wanted to become your leader and to make America the darkened village on the backside of a hill.

And that's why I brought you here today. Americans everywhere are crying out for a job, but what we need to show them is that they don't need a job. No, they need me. They need my administration. They need their government to blame small business owners for making them slave away for $13/hour wages (cheers from the labor union students). Private business isn't the answer, because private business doesn't hire people (confused whispers amongst students). That may sound weird, but that's just because you haven't been in college long enough. Trust me, soon enough, it'll all make sense. Why do you think I'm a supporter of "W12" (womb-to-12) Schools?" (Winks)



http://www.investors.com/NewsAndAnalysis/Article.aspx?id=514131
http://www.americanthinker.com/2009/12/jobs_summit_will_not_produce_j.html